Read on for an (absolutely authentic!) interview with a (definitely real) leave-campaigner.
FNN: What where your reactions when it became apparent that #Brexit was going to be a reality?
Anonymous Leave Campaigner: Frankly, I was shocked! And devastated, to be honest. None of us thought this could really happen.
FNN: Could you explain that a little more in detail for our readers around the globe? Wasn’t this all you were hoping for?
ALC: No, of course not! What person in their right mind would hope for such a thing?
FNN: Well, I assumed, since you’ve been campaigning for months to win this referendum…
ALC: Sure, that’s what we’ve been campaigning for, but none of us thought that it would go that far. We were hoping for 40% leave voters and those were our most optimistic bets. Others were thinking around 20-25%, which would’ve been what we internally called the „idiot vote“ plus a few voters wanting to stick it to the man. Over 50 percent, that was just… it just blew us all away. I mean, you’ve seen Boris‘ look after the referendum… poor chap’s absolutely frazzled!
FNN: If you haven’t been campaigning to win, what were your intentions in all this? And why does the outcome come as such a shock to you?
ALC: Our plan was simple: All we wanted was to get the votes of some of the disgruntled, distrustful, disillusioned citizens plus the „idiot vote“ I already mentioned. With those, we assumed we would get a bit more than what the German AfD is getting, you know, and then we would’ve been able to comfortable go on for the years to come. You know, lamenting about how nobody takes the little man’s problems seriously and how maybe the votes were manipulated in favor of remain. And of course we could’ve blamed everything on the EU if something went wrong – it worked all those years so why would we want to change a running system?
FNN: And now that „leave“ is a reality, what are your plans for the future?
ALC: I don’t know, to be honest. Probably will have to emigrate. I mean with all that’s happening in Britain right now, Scotland and Ireland wanting to leave, the pound taking a nosedive… I just don’t see how there could be a future for me in Britain. I love French cheese, you know, and that’s going to get really expensive. And the people, you know. I’ve been able to look myself in the eye until the vote but now… I just feel I’ve made a huge mistake, you know.